After the squad thinning trip to Ealing the previous weekend (which will from now on be referred to as “The Battle of Wounded Knee” as messrs Dare, Goddard and Gibbs all fell foul of the magic 4G carpet we played on), it was back to business as usual this weekend at Fortress Station Road. With healthy bodies at a premium, a patched up Wanderers side assembled in the rain to take on a strong Bury St Edmunds team who have been averaging 30+ points a game in the Zoo League, and are the proud owners of the highest score so far this year, a huge 104-0 against London Irish Wolfhounds.

With front row at a premium, coach Scotty McGrath was forced to play himself at hooker, despite being declared clinically deceased by the physio team earlier in the week. Fortunately for Scotty, as well as looking like Barney the Dinosaur he also shares some of his traits, so was able to carry on into the second half before the signal from his brain actually reached the rest of his body and caused him to fall over. Also being dug out of retirement for the cause was returning second row Ben Helps, making a cameo appearance from “The Big Smoke” (the name of his favourite Caribbean swingers bar, apparently).

In the backs, another Clifton veteran was also enlisted in the form of Ben Breeze – unfortunately for Breezey, his pre-Bermuda 10s prep was ruined by a twanged calf in the warm up, meaning a pre-kickoff reshuffle. The laid back stylings of Breeze were replaced by the Panzer Tank directness of our favourite German dictator/outside half Gareth Mason, bringing his unusually aggressive style to the 10 shirt.

The early exchanges in the game were reasonably even, apart from at the scrum. The larger BSE pack (quite ironic initials given that their loosehead was the size of a large cow) were able to exert some serious pressure on the patched up Wanderers outfit, giving us our sternest test of the year. Along with flankers Ayrton Bennett and Alex Pantry, new boy John “Josh” Jones did well at 8 behind a rather mobile set-piece (sadly, mostly in reverse!) to ensure the majority of possession made it to the backs. In the backline, things were faring rather better – Spencer continued his recovery from a season off with another solid outing in the 9 shirt, and the centre pairing of Brian Watters and James Simons looked sharp all evening. Watters also offered a good kicking option from 12, employing his Toblerone shaped right foot on a couple of occasions to put in almost-perfect banana kicks crossfield for our lively wingers Clarke and Matthews to chase.

In terms of scoring, a pair of tries for Clifton from Matthews and Clark left the score at 10-7 to the Wanderers at the half. Clark’s try in particular was worth the price of admission alone, stepping a few people in the space of a postage stamp to go in at the right corner after some good build up play. This epitomised the story of the first half – despite coming under the cosh in the set piece exchanges, the broken field play of Clifton and tightly organised defence kept them in the game, arguably against the run of play.

The second half was a similarly tight affair – some strong running from the BSE 12 brushing aside some ineffective defence from Clifton to score a good try under the posts. The removal of coach McGrath mid-way through the second half brought some respite at scrum time, with Clifton having to go unopposed due to having no front row replacements (see “Battle of Wounded Knee” above). Under the rules of the Zoo League, this means not being able to replace the front row who departs, so the Wanderers played the last 20 down to 14 men, with Brogden moving up to the front row to join Denton and Wallis . This drop in defensive numbers was quickly exploited by the opposition, working an overlap to chew through the available Clifton defenders and walk in a try out wide.

Clifton scored three in the second half – another try from Matthews (impressive with the ball in hand all day), a bullocking run from Pantry and a nicely worked touchdown from Nick Fraser at fullback. Allied to some great defence from Charlie Hyde and the replacements bench and some giant-sized clearance kicks from our pint-sized scrum half, Clifton led the game 31-26 going into the last few minutes. One last gasp assault on the Clifton line from BSE almost led to a score, with the final play of the game being a tackle from multiple Clifton players to knock the last BSE runner into touch a few metres short of the line.

On reflection, this was probably our hardest earned win of the season, and definitely the most satisfying against a good Bury St Edmunds team who could easily been on the other end of a close scoreline. Special mention should go to Scotty, for playing what may have been his last game in Clifton colours and leaving it all out on the field, and newly converted fullback/centre/blindside flanker Alex Pantry, picking up his first Clifton man of the match award.

Next game for the mighty Wanderers is away at Cambridge.

Dents.

P.S. if you see any details in the above report which are factually incorrect/mis-remembered or just plain wrong, please keep it to yourself – most of it is made up anyway.